I went to yoga this morning. I like the morning class much better. I get to the metro at 5:30am, still dark outside. The train is clean, uncluttered. Most of my fellow passengers are construction workers. The yoga studio is less humid in the morning and smells much better than after a day of sweaty classes. I had a good class. I didn’t sit out a pose. At some point (Bikram classes are done in front of a mirror) I saw my aura. Bright yellow. I haven’t seen anyone else’s aura yet. But maybe if I forget I can/can’t see auras, I will.

A few things came together for me after class. I had a bad weekend and my metaphysician told me to do the grounding exercises. I organized my dresser drawers and it seemed to have the same effect, which is grounding. Oddly, having my socks in order was immensely satisfying in a very soothing way.

Metaphysician also said to try not to interpret things. I’m not on any spiritual path or plan. I’m having my own experience and trying to keep it and see it as such. So, I didn’t really know what to do with that last bit advice.

Last night, I watched the last episode of the Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers show called “The Power of Myth.” Campbell talks about the two versions of Buddha: the one we know, calm collected, and another more violent version of the same. He said it is the same Buddha, but that when one is open to the transformation, they experience calm. It is the resistance of the individual that makes that transformation seem like such a brutal experience, hence the angry, crazy Buddha. Buddha is going to go where Buddha wants to go, fight or submit, but you are going to open.

After class, I realized what my problem is. I feel all kind of activity in my core. It freaks me out. I don’t know where it is all coming from, but I can tell for sure it isn’t all coming from *me.* And that *me* is my ego at work again.

I thought of what Donna, the past life reader, told me: “It is very rare that one has the wisdom to know that All is God. Even your soul doesn’t exist, if everything is just That. Keep strongly to that knowing.”

I try to sort it out, all the energies that come my way. In that action, I am taking the stand that I am separate from others. I’m building up resistance that way. That’s the part of my ego that’s still kicking me. The part that thinks I have a self and doesn’t want to understand it is connected to everything.

And then, it occurs to me that compassion is totally selfish. What we do to others we do to ourselves in a very, very real way.