I couldn’t unpack the Christmas decorations without a sense of lost. I couldn’t escape feelings/memories of how I thought the future would unfold when I bought these stupid plastic things.

There is so much in life that is out of our control. Seems we can only accept what’s out of control by identifying *something* that’s in control. A conspiracy, superstition, complex religion, higher intelligence, an alternate method for getting what we alone can’t make happen. A way to be/do better.

I overcame my Catholicism and studied Islam for awhile. I studied philosophy and ancient religions. There is a quiet consistency to them all. The consistency matters much more to me than the differences. The consistency is what I try to honor in my own self/life.

I once told a friend at happy hour at Mackey’s that I knew the meaning of life. He said what I described was more of a process. But, that’s what life is: the process of living.

The connections can get complicated, but somehow stay simple. There is a pattern to it all, an underlying intelligence. We can’t grasp it all at once. We are constrained by our humanity. And the one thing we are guaranteed to get out of life – death – is the thing we most dislike discussing.

Recently I went to a presentation on Net-Map toolkit. Net-Map is an interview-based mapping tool that helps people understand, visualize, discuss, and improve situations in which many different actors influence outcomes. It was developed by Eva Schiffer as an answer to concrete local governance problems in Ghana. The kit is like a toy, filled with markers, bits of colored paper, and game pieces. Participants map-out social connections and draw the lines, stack the influence. Once humans *see* the connections, they have an option to make more informed decisions. The game-like method Dr. Schiffer developed transcends barriers of culture, language, and literacy. Plus, it offers something you can see and touch; something fun and inclusive.

I think of all these things while unwrapping bits of holiday plastic. The big perspective doesn’t happen intuitively. There are too many connections for me to keep active in my mind all at once. There is so much – based on the limits of my human nature/perspective – that I can’t really say if things are going the right way for me or not. I only own my intention.

I strive to maintain respect for the underlying grid, the big picture. To, in the words of Kenny Rogers, “know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.” I know I am always part of the design, center star or not. I can’t help but be included in the pattern.

I don’t believe in cold fate, but I do believe existence is a zero-sum game. I do believe there is enough happiness for everyone and that anyone’s happiness is a benefit to me. I do believe that love never dies. How could love not out last holiday plastic?